My First Experience With Evil

In 38 days I traveled to Nicaragua, Costa Rica and Belize. I taught yoga in the most beautiful places: a Caribbean boat dock, outdoor jungle studios, a tree house floating deck. I felt like the luckiest yoga instructor…

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…and 2 things happened to me:
1. I came face-to-face with EVIL, and
2. I EMPTIED

In short, I failed and succeeded at the same time and gained a whole new realization.
I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! Except the fact that…you don’t know shit either.

In 38 days I experienced rags and riches, then rags then riches, and once again, rags to riches. I stood as I watched what my incompetencies created around me – rags – a direct reflection of my insides. Contrastingly, every time I was just me, enjoying myself while being there for others, people would say, “Come this way so I can give you exactly what you deserve” – riches – a direct reflection of my insides.

IMG_0517Sometimes first class flights, sometimes “chicken buses.” Sometimes all expenses paid and luxury hotels, sometimes $10 hostels but always enough money to be exactly where I wanted to be. Sometimes I would have private yoga sessions booked an hour after arriving in a new town. Same conclusion as my 2009 travels: The world will always take care of me, but I’m not an innocent bystander, I am an active participant.

In 38 days the only time I had to myself was while sleeping. There was no time or space to meditate or center myself by writing, reading, dancing, yoga, etc. The worse outcome ever! I couldn’t see. I started to depend on external signs; the very thing I teach others not to do, and there was no other choice. Everything was moving too fast to feel and I noticed how easily it was to be swayed by everyone’s opinion and external “tricky clown” signs (as I call them).

“Don’t go there it’s full of drugs and crime,” when another person would say, “I loved it there it’s the most gorgeous place and everyone is so friendly.” Do we live in the same world?!?

In my Technique for Fearless Decision Making video, I mention the hardest thing to do while traveling is figuring out where to go next, and now I was trying to filter through 30 people’s opinions a day without knowing what I really wanted to do…I didn’t really want to travel. I was just looking for one place to stay.

I couldn’t see, and all that was waiting was a lesson for me.

moon-salutation1-So lets go backwards through my trip, Belize first, or what I refer to as, “The place you land when you haven’t meditated for a month.” Another person called it, “The place where people live when they give up.” And another, “The place where the demonic element is so strong…there is nothing here!”

(Disclaimer: I was in one small part of Belize, no way does this represent the whole country, nor universal truth, just 3 people’s subjective opinion…don’t mean to diss the place.)

In my sweet world, I have been in denial that evil exists and convinced myself that if I deny its existence it doesn’t exist. Now I experienced what a piece of what evil looks like. It’s not an evil looking man, although that was there too, it’s not dirty and gross, although that was there too. It was a concentrated feeling of STAGNATION.

It’s father is FEAR and it’s mother is CONFUSION. Stagnation is the cute baby everyone wants to play with. The distraction away from making a decision, the waste of time associated with fun. There is nothing fun about inertia.

And then an obvious parallel. Could the way in which the men treat the women act as a measuring stick for stagnation? In Nicaragua it was just whistles and cat-calls, harmless and annoying. In Costa Rica it was fun and flirty like, “What’s up Barbie?” In Belize, mostly nasty, “Come here – do you want a banana milk shake up…oh she’s not ready, she’s not ready?”

“Get me out of here,” I thought…fast!

That night I finally wrote, “Holy shit, is this what people experience everyday when they don’t meditate or center themselves in some way. Maybe not this experience exactly, but do they experience the end byproduct of stagnation?

Do we just live in a world full of options and no real choices? Why do I have 50 options of shampoo, 40 options of toothpaste, 30 options of gum, 20 options of bread, 10 options of batteries? Really! Why are you trying to confuse me with options. Show me the real choice.

Well for that you need a real question. Is your real choice on the outside, or the inside?

When we look outside for signs, or try to understand the world’s patterning that matched the last time we were in a similar situation, we drive ourselves crazy. Our mind goes on overdrive and believes it’s being logical, responsible and productive, and gets stuck…Hello Stagnation! No choice is made, and if one is made, we are too exhausted to execute it.

Change, Progress, Action, all opposite of Stagnation. Any choice you make is the right choice. Anytime YOU CHOOSE, you are Choosing LIGHT. Please don’t get stuck in stagnant confusion. If you are feeling like it’s time to change something, then it’s time to change something…PERIOD.

Transformation, Choosing Conscious Evolution, is Yoga…now you know why I am so into this stuff. I teach the Science of Transformation. It’s a timeless recipe, an ancient system, that helps people move powerfully and practically from one place in life to the next. This is what I teach my clients so they can make the changes in their life they have been dancing around, and start to extract more pleasure, fulfillment and freedom everyday. No fear, no confusion, no stagnation, finally!

Like my good friends Kathleen and Allen from Mt. Shasta who I met in Nicaragua said, “You don’t have to know what the next thing is. Just know to stop doing what isn’t making you happy.”

And that’s all I know…what isn’t making me happy. So I emptied all that wasn’t working for me and returned with a big “I don’t know anything.” The irony is, that realization came with the burning desire to teach on a bigger scale.

Final conclusion, I don’t know anything so I am ready to teach more.

One Comment

  1. amazing adventures thanks for sharing with us. I truly appreciate the key to fearless decisions, it is so timely 🙂

    Evil is stagnation, then it is easy to fall in without even realizing it. Yoga is movement and keeps us from stagnating. Makes me want to get out my mat!

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